I like to think it a success when the cops are called
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
