Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
