I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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