Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
