He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
