tell your sister to shave her snatch
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
