Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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