I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
