you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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