weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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