Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
