i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
