I have demons in me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
