IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
