He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
