Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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