I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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