Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
