i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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