One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
