Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
