I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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