i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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