I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
