why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
