New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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