We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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