Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
