I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
