I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
