Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
