he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
