I'm gonna have a badass scar
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
