Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
