I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
