Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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