I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
