I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Come see our sink grown plant.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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