i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
did i just pee glitter
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
