the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
