I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
