the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
