Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
