I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
