i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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