she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
