What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
