Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
