You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
