Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
