if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
