I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize