i think my tv is drunk
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
