How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
