Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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